懷南前記﹕我正式在世界週刊寫專欄﹐是蘇斐玫女士任主編時開始的。從《舊案新評》到《坐看雲起時前》到《坐看雲起時後》﹐這一路合作下來就是 N 年。我這篇文章裡提到的《也是秋天》和《江湖夜雨》當然都發生在蘇女士任上。蘇女士的職務和常女士互調。這篇文章是我寄給蘇主編的最後一篇。內容正好談的是舊文章。用來做我們同行後的告別與祝福非常好。
任何一件事﹐開始多半是偶然。但能維持那麼久﹐則絕非偶然。《坐看雲起時》專欄正是如此。
By the way, 蘇主編對我這個專欄至少有兩大貢獻。《坐看雲起時》的名字是她選的。刊頭照片我請她動點手腳﹐把焦點搞模糊點。結果被她搞出一張「苦瓜臉」(朋友的評語)。不過掌門人因禍得福﹐這些年來﹐我聽到最多的 comment 就是「你本人比報上的照片年輕」。這比聽到別人說﹕「你文章寫得不錯」﹐和「我太太很喜歡你的文章」要開心很多。
Good luck and good night, Ms. Su.
Samuel Johnson 曾經回一位投稿者的信說﹕「閣下的文章不但好並且也有創意 (both good and original)。只是有創意的那部分不好﹐好的那部分沒有創意」。我不止一次在公開場合用這個故事來開自己的玩笑。但內心裡卻常常想起我自膂b頗有創意的兩篇文章﹐也想起杜甫寫「文章千古事﹐得失自心知﹔作者皆殊列﹐名聲豈浪垂﹖」的自負和謙虛。
一篇是我用打網球觸網來談人生﹕有時候球觸網後過了﹐你贏一分。有時球觸網沒過﹐害你輸掉一分。我的結論是﹕從單獨一場球去看結果﹐你可能會覺得運氣有好有壞。但如果總結打過 N +1 場球的經驗﹐球過網的次數﹐和沒過網的次數﹐終究是差不多。何況贏球那一剎那的喜悅﹐和輸球那一瞬間的懊惱﹐早就GWTW (隨風而去)。因此﹐除了短命鬼不算﹐當我們總結賬的時候﹐回顧一生﹐平均一下﹐每個人的運氣都差不多﹐沒什麼好抱怨的。這是我最基本的信仰之一。不是曾經好(網)球如痴的人﹐恐怕是悟不出這個道理來的。
最近看「吾弟」阿倫 (Woody Allen) 的電影 Match Point﹐ 駭然發現「吾弟」在該片中也是用網球觸網的癮喻( metaphor) 來談人生。「吾弟」認為﹐在球場上﹐球過不過網﹐禍福立見﹐非常清楚。但在現實人生中﹐網球過網﹐焉知非禍﹖網球不過網﹐焉知非福﹖這個癮喻是 Match Point 那部電影的重心所在。對電影結局的詮釋﹐也會因觀眾見仁見智的不同而沒有定論。電影看完後我想﹕幸好我寫那篇文章﹐遠在「吾弟」的 電影之前甚久﹐否則豈不是拾「吾弟」牙慧﹖
我還有一篇叫《江湖夜雨》的文章﹐自認是我一生中寫的最好的兩篇文章之一。如果有一天﹐有人對我說﹕你去把你所有的文章全燒掉﹐祇留下兩篇。我會毫不猶豫地留下《也是秋天》和《江湖夜雨》。在《也是秋天》中﹐我選擇讓你看到我嘻嘻哈哈面具後的那塊 soft spot。我曾經問過一個人﹐問他為什麼喜歡《也是秋天》﹖他的回答是﹕It describes perfectly, for me, the conflicted feeling of being happy in your aloneness, and yet longing to reach out and connect with an equal soul。
《江湖夜雨》是則是我藉著「信望愛」﹐「信雅達」和「信不信」 師兄弟的自白﹐代表我對信仰多元化的容忍﹐對中道的嚮往﹐和對生命價值的最後認知 -- 「古調雖自愛﹐今人多不彈﹔此中有真意﹐欲辯已忘言」。如果說《也是秋天》代表我感性的那一面。《江湖夜雨》則是代表我理性的另一面﹐只是我不知道早在一百多年前就有人寫過一篇類似《江湖夜雨》的文章。
英國有兩個作家﹐只憑名字的英文縮寫﹐後人就知道他們是誰。一個是 GBS (蕭伯納) ﹐另外一個就是寫《金銀島》的 RLS (Robert Louis Stevenson﹐史蒂文生)。最近看 RLS 的寓言集﹐又駭然發現他有一篇標題 《信﹐半信﹐不信》(Faith, Half Faith and No Faith at All) 的短篇﹐也是用「三人行」的方式來談信仰的問題。
我現在真不知道該感到驕傲還是該感到失望。我 50 歲之後才開始寫文章﹐信口開河之餘﹐居然和影壇奇才「吾弟」艾倫﹐文學大師史蒂文生﹐有些英雄所見略同的交集。雖然我認為 ZMR (掌門人) 三人行的那篇「余言」比 RLS 的那篇「寓言」寫的好﹐但就算我自我感覺良好到「不行」也沒用。因為「余言」還是逃不過 Samuel Johnson 「 有創意的那部分不好﹐好的那部分沒有創意」的「預言」。我現在祇能怪自己不聽馬克吐溫的勸告。馬克在「吐」了「溫」之前指出﹕「只要一個人非常無知﹐並且信心十足的話﹐一定可以成功」。我原先是頗具備這成功的兩大要件的。可惜電影多看了一場﹐書多讀了一本﹐結果傳世之文泡了湯。唉﹐不聽「馬克」言﹐「吐血」在眼前。能怪誰呢﹖
懷南補記﹕要補記的事倒不少﹕
如果你常看台灣的新聞﹐你應該注意到施明德提到李遠哲對呂秀蓮的看法﹐和李遠哲認為施誤解了他的意思的更正。現在請你回想一下我論李遠哲那篇文章《蒙塵的良心》(全文版) 裡是怎麼說的。我說﹕「李對呂沒有好感﹐這並非我亂猜」。你現在知道我為什麼要這麼寫吧。其實我下筆的時候﹐對別人告訴我的話﹐那些可以公開﹐那些到此為止﹐言不入第三耳的拿捏﹐其小心的程度﹐往往超過一般人的想像。
我提到的那兩篇文章﹐《也是秋天》和《江湖夜雨》﹐如果你還沒有機會讀到的話﹐我希望你能去「In My Life」 裡找出來看看。你如果知道《江湖夜雨》的配音的歌名﹐那你真算得上是我的知音。其實這兩篇文章並不是我寫過最「有名」的文章。我寫過最「有名」的文章可能是《生命中的鵝卵石》和《最後一代的內地人》。前面那篇﹐進了台灣的小學補助教材﹐後面的那篇﹐開始了我們的網站。我選《也是秋天》和《江湖夜雨》﹐沒選《生命中的鵝卵石》和《最後一代的內地人》
不是沒有經過考慮的。
我文章說﹕「雖然我認為 ZMR (掌門人) 三人行的那篇「余言」比 RLS 的那篇「寓言」寫的好」﹐這話也許過份「自我感覺良好」(這是掌門人批評別人自我膨漲的 politically correct 的修辭)。大家不必太在乎我這句半開玩笑﹐半認真的話。蘇軾也曾經說過﹐有些李白和杜甫的詩句﹐他也寫得出來﹐只不過李白和杜甫生得比較早﹐好句子都被他們寫過了。後人的文章比前人寫得好( 以通順﹐內容﹐格局為比較標準)﹐應該是順理成章的事。沒什麼稀奇。 我把史蒂文生的原文放在下面﹐給各位參考。倒不是真的要和史蒂文生較量什麼。是我不大看得懂這篇文章。同樣的﹐希望有人也發表一點有關 Match Point 中﹐Woody Allen 的意思是暗示男主角從此逍遙法外﹐還是為未來東窗事發埋下伏筆的意見。懷南求教。
在民調篇裡我加了三個統計圖表﹐各位有興趣的話﹐可以去看看。統計數字不一定很精準﹐有的人可能要戴上老花眼鏡才看的清楚。沒什麼大不了的。我早就說過﹐如果有一天我這個網站沒人看了﹐或我認為它已經沒什麼意義。小店打烊我就走。That's the way it is.
《民調篇》的統計數字﹐已經更新到 8 月14 日。請大家去看看。我把 FNDR Project 移到最前面﹐代表它在我心中 #1 的份量。不用我說﹐我想您也是知道的。
請看
《 民調篇/Fndr Project 最新認捐結果 》。
In the ancient days there went three men upon pilgrimage; one was a priest, and one was a virtuous person, and the third was an old rover with his axe.
As they went, the priest spoke about the grounds of faith.
'We find the proofs of our religion in the works of nature,' said he, and beat his breast.
'That is true,' said the virtuous person.
'The peacock has a scrannel voice,' said the priest, 'as has been laid down always in our books. How cheering!' he cried, in a voice like one that wept. 'How comforting!'
'I require no such proofs,' said the virtuous person.
'Then you have no reasonable faith,' said the priest.
'Great is the right, and shall prevail!' cried the virtuous person. 'There is loyalty in my soul; be sure, there is loyalty in the mind of Odin.'
'These are but playings upon words,' returned the priest. 'A sackful of such trash is nothing to the peacock.'
Just then they passed a country farm, where there was a peacock seated on a rail; and the bird opened its mouth and sang with the voice of a nightingale.
'Where are you now?' asked the virtuous person. 'And yet this shakes not me! Great is the truth, and shall prevail!'
'The devil fly away with that peacock!' said the priest; and he was downcast for a mile or two.
But presently they came to a shrine, where a Fakeer performed miracles.
'Ah!' said the priest, 'here are the true grounds of faith. The peacock was but an adminicle. This is the base of our religion.' And he beat upon his breast, and groaned like one with colic.
'Now to me,' said the virtuous person, 'all this is as little to the purpose as the peacock. I believe because I see the right is great and must prevail; and this Fakeer might carry on with his conjuring tricks till doomsday, and it would not play bluff upon a man like me.'
Now at this the Fakeer was so much incensed that his hand trembled; and, lo! in the midst of a miracle the cards fell from up his sleeve.
'Where are you now?' asked the virtuous person. 'And yet it shakes not me!'
'The devil fly away with the Fakeer!' cried the priest. 'I really do not see the good of going on with this pilgrimage.'
'Cheer up!' cried the virtuous person. 'Great is the right, and shall prevail!'
'If you are quite sure it will prevail,' says the priest.
'I pledge my word for that,' said the virtuous person. [p. 64]
So the other began to go on again with a better heart.
At last one came running, and told them all was lost: that the powers of darkness had besieged the Heavenly Mansions, that Odin was to die, and evil triumph.
'I have been grossly deceived,' cried the virtuous person.
'All is lost now,' said the priest.
'I wonder if it is too late to make it up with the devil?' said the virtuous person.
'Oh, I hope not,' said the priest. 'And at any rate we can but try. But what are you doing with your axe?' says he to the rover.
'I am off to die with Odin,' said the rover.